We spend a large amount of lip service telling ourselves and others that beauty comes from within, that appearance doesn’t really matter and that there is beauty in everyone.

But do we really believe it? Does the former prom queen, seeing the new lines around her eyes and her breasts drifting downward with each passing year, really believe that her outward beauty is the least important? Does the employer who hires the guy who is taller care too much about the outward package rather than the potential of his employee?

We tell our children not to judge. But that’s exactly what we do. We look for the latest creams and potions to hold aging at bay; we classify thinner people as more desirable; we buy into the hype that there are certain standards of beauty that we must try to attain in some way if we are to be loved and lovely.

I know a woman in her 50’s who does not fit the mold of beauty drummed into our head. She not only doesn’t fit the standard, she doesn’t come close. She hasn’t given up, exactly, but it’s more that she disagrees that others have the power to convince her she isn’t beautiful. She has several obstacles to overcome when first meeting people – we are so incredibly preferential toward people we consider attractive – but this woman has confidence in spades. Not ego or cockiness, but a quiet sort of “I’m okay, whether you think so or not” that draws people in. Within ten minutes, she has everyone in a room in thrall. Within an hour, they will find beauty on her face that isn’t supposed to be beautiful by any definition we know. When I think of beauty, I think of her.

So what makes you pretty? Is it something external that will change and fade over time, no matter how desperately you cling to it? Or is it the internal you, the real you that shines through for the world to see? The best part about facing how you feel about beauty (yours and other peoples, too) is that you have a choice. You can choose to cultivate the outside in the hopes that your face or body will carry you where you want to go. Or you can choose to cultivate the inside and truly become the most beautiful person others know. Which sounds the best?