Driving to work one day, I saw it. A huge red Superman sticker on the back of a tricked-out red car, driven by a guy wearing a business suit.

I remembered another grown man’s face the day his Superman checks came in the mail. I  flashed in memory back to my son’s face when the theme song to Batman, Superman, or Star Wars was played.

Boys relate to superheroes. Aside from impressive looks and bulging muscles, superheroes embody the mottos of Strength, Invulnerability, Social Justice, and Rescue.

In a culture that defines men by what they do, not necessarily who they are on the inside, and values them only when they fit the superhero mold, we’re asking them to repress all those emotions and attributes that can’t be seen on the cape. I’ve never seen a woman with a huge Disney princess sticker blazoned on her car, so I have to believe that men are internalizing the superhero message far more than we give them credit for.

It may seem like a given to expect our boys to be strong, but how do they deal with feelings of fear, anxiety, weakness? In teaching them that a real man isn’t vulnerable, aren’t we doing them a disservice, knowing that they are going to encounter relationships which call for them to be transparent and honest about how they feel? We ask them to remember that there is someone always in need of rescue, but what if they are that someone?

Are you raising your son to be Superman? Do you expect your partner to be? These men—superheroes all–have one thing besides strength in common. They are all quite alone, unable to let anyone in, unwilling to show the crack in their armor.

You might want Superman to rescue you from a burning building, but do you want to live with him?